26/6/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

What’s for Dinner. . .

What’s for Dinner. . .

An elderly dad was concerned his wife of fifty years was going deaf so he went to a hearing specialist who gave him some sound advice ( no, that’s not the joke )
“Stand behind her but at some distance and ask her something…the closer you need to get before she answers will determine the severity of the hearing loss and we can rectify accordingly.”
So the husband goes home to find his wife preparing dinner and from the other side of the room he asks her a question. “What is for dinner love?”
No response so he walks a few steps closer and again asks
“What is for dinner, love?”
Still nothing so he takes a few more steps and becoming concerned, raises his voice
“What’s for dinner love?”
Still no response so he gets right up behind her and yells
“WHAT IS FOR DINNER LOVE?”
and his wife turns around and says.
“For the fourth time…curried sausages!”

dad joke of they day

22/6/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

the name is Zimer, Al Zimer

the name is Zimer, Al Zimer

An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.
Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.

The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.

He slowly turns to the lady and says: “So, tell me; do I come here often?”

dad joke of they day

19/6/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

wait for it. . .

wait for it. . .

A guy is taking his girlfriend to the prom.

He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but he gets them

He goes to rent a limo, but the rental line is really long, but eventually he does it

He goes to buy her flowers. The line at the florist is really long but eventually he gets the flowers.

At prom she asks him to go get punch, he goes to the refreshment table. . .

. . .and there’s  no punchline.

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16/6/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

Australian’s always have the last laugh. . .

Australian’s always have the last laugh. . .

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American
archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story
published in the New York Times: “American archaeologists, finding traces of
250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an
advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the
British”.

One week later, Australia’s Northern Territory Times, reported the
following:

“After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek, Northern
Territory, aboriginal Billi Bunji, a self-taught archaeologist, reported
that he found absolutely fuck-all.
Billi has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already
gone wireless…”

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10/6/18 – Dad Joke of the Day

One for the musically inclined

One for the musically inclined

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it…
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, “Ah, yes, that’s Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, being played backwards.”

He listened a while longer, and said, “There’s the Eighth Symphony, and it’s backwards, too. Most puzzling.”

So the magistrate kept listening, “There’s the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…”

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, “My fellow citizens, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

Dad Joke of the day

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